Tag: museum of motherhood

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When Men Mother

Last week, I wrote about the so-called “Mommy Wars” — the stay-at-home mom vs. working mom clash — and profiled some very strong opinions on the matter (my own included). However, I see now that my approach was lacking a crucial voice. I failed to capture the perspective of a growing force on this scene: stay-at-home-dads. Big mistake, I realize.

One lazy Saturday a year or so ago, I decided to blow off cleaning my apartment by surfing Netflix. I happened upon a movie called What to Expect When You’re Expecting. Registering its name with the very popular parenting book that shares its title, I tuned in. It turned out to be one of those rom coms with a thousand famous characters whose lives run parallel to one another until they eventually intersect. About a half hour in or so, I recognized a scene that I had caught on some preview either at the movies or on TV. In the scene, a line of some of Hollywood’s most famous male comedians at Central Park or the like, each with a baby strapped to their chests in a papoose, line the horizon in a formidable manner. Between their looks and the punch lines, there’s no mistaking – they’re dads. Tasked with taking care of their little ones during the day, they’ve shed the image of the “Mr. Mom’s” of yesteryear. They’re not replacement moms, they’re dads. There are masculine overtones in their strict adherence to guy code…or should I say dad code? The message is clear: toting around snotty-nosed, poopy-diapered babies should never mean that dude stuff be sacrificed. And like any boys’ club, newcomers had better fall in line or GTFO.

20th Annual At-Home Dad Convention
20th Annual At-Home Dad Convention

This must be what Jessica Bennett is talking about when she says that culture is starting to catch up to a very real social phenomenon in her article “The Brotherhood of the Stay-at-Home Dad” featured in the New York Times. The prominent image of the article looks a bit like that scene in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. A bunch of dads lean in together at Central Park, babies strapped to their fronts and smiling kids on their sides. Years ago, this element of public life would be unheard of. Yet, here we are today with movies where comedy’s biggest names are endorsing this lifestyle and, as in the case of Bennett’s article (which appears in FASHION AND STYLE, no less) there are entire conferences where stay-at-home dads convene. Scrolling the Internet, you see blog after article after essay of stay-at-home-dads chronicling their experience as an emerging class in society. In a culture where women are increasingly becoming the primary breadwinners in their families and private child care is just so darn expensive, these messages are suggesting that stay-at-home dads are here…and for the long-haul.

So though I failed to include stay-at-home fathers in my last post, I won’t make that mistake again. If there’s anything that I’ve gleaned from the Liz Pardue Schultz’ piece that I wrote about last week or Jessica Bennett’s post this week, it’s that parenthood is tough, regardless of how you spin it. Parents need the opportunity to connect with each other over shared experiences, whether it is through an annual conference for career dads or an outspoken blog post. Though not a parent myself, I can attest to the isolation of raising kids. As a nanny, I don’t get moments with co-workers to swap stories over the water cooler. It’s me and baby. (Don’t get me wrong, like I imagine most parents would say, I love this about 95% of the time. But there are times that feel lonely.) That’s why excluding an important voice is a big no-no. Every caregiver deserves the right to be heard. ~ Jenny Nigro, reporting in for M.O.M. Social Media

See also link to the 20th Annual At-Home Dad’s Convention [CLICK]

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Waging a (Mommy) War

Housewife

Well, the mommy war is certainly being waged out there, folks. And the battleground is splashed across online media. Proof? Check out Liz Pardue Schultz’ piece in xoJane: http://www.xojane.com/issues/being-a-stay-at-home-mom-is-not-a-job, which was then picked up by Time: http://time.com/3744591/30-day-minimalism-challenge/ and commented on by Salon: http://www.salon.com/2015/03/16/stay_at_home_motherhood_isnt_a_hobby/

Originally published in xoJane, Schultz’ article appears as part of the “Unpopular Opinion” column. She begins by offering the disclaimer, “Alright, calm down. Before you get angry, you should know that I was a stay-at-home mother of my daughter for five years.” She then dives into her focus of the piece: the dismissal of the notion of stay-at-home parenthood as a career. “Being a stay-at-home mother to your own kids is not a ‘job,’ no matter how difficult it is or how hard we work. Period. Getting to do nothing but raise a person you opted to bring into the world is a privilege, and calling it anything else is ignorant and condescending.” Schultz doesn’t stop at calling stay-at-home motherhood a privilege, though. She eventually calls “SAHM” a hobby: “No, Stay-at-Home-Mothers, choosing to create your own little person upon whom you’ll spend all your time and energy is a hobby. It is a time-consuming, sanity-deteriorating, life-altering hobby — a lot like a heroin addiction, but with more Thirty-One bags.”

Okay, heroine metaphor aside, I can see how she came to the idea of stay-at-home motherhood as a privilege…in the sense that it is a phenomenon reserved to the few that can afford to live/raise children on a single caregiver’s income.   But, in some households, stay-at-home parenting becomes the solution to expensive childcare options. In this scenario, it is neither a privilege nor a hobby. And speaking as a nanny whose profession is, by definition, to take care of children for a living, this makes me feel a certain way. What about us, the people who get paid to do just what this woman is defining as not a job, but a hobby – especially the comrades in my field who are career nannies and housekeepers? Where does this leave us?

Written between the lines of these essentializing statements about stay-at-home-parenthood is the frustration of a woman who is tired of mothers complaining about a job that she feels they knowingly signed up for. Sure, okay, we get that. People have been complaining about other people complaining since the dawn of time. But there is a huge difference between saying that and calling your peers “unemployed, self-righteous idiots” (note: this is especially reserved for the women in the author’s mothers’ groups who have uttered the phrase, “Mothering is the hardest job in the world!”). I can understand if she’s felt alienated by comments here and there of parents espousing their method of child rearing as the best. But in an effort to call out the “martyrdom”, she comes off as a bit self-righteous herself (and isn’t that just a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black)? But, I think, the most undigestable nugget occurs when she talks about a friend that had trouble conceiving and to whom she lent support. Schultz writes that when she finally was able to get pregnant, she had the audacity to complain about her difficult pregnancy (gasp!). Why shouldn’t she have that right? Just because she sprung for expensive fertility treatments in order to be able to get pregnant, she shouldn’t be able to complain about nausea and gas, just like other pregnant women do? Despite claiming to have loved The Feminine Mystique, Schultz missed a key lesson in feminism: a woman’s body (and her associated rights to make complaints about said body) is (are) her own.

Perhaps the thing that we should take from this is that motherhood looks (and feels) different to each person involved. When it comes to motherhood, one woman’s struggle could be another’s triumph. It’s not up to one singular voice to dictate the experience for everyone who they believe to be in their shoes, even if it winds up in the “Unpopular Opinion” column.

Written by: Jenny Nigro, MoM Online Intern

Photo credit: Creative Commons

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Celebrating Women’s History Month

Happy March! This month, we celebrate Women’s History Month. The achievements, issues, and advancements championed by notable women have greatly influenced the scholarship and activism of the Museum of Motherhood. This is why we have chosen to dedicate this post to ways that New Yorkers can honor Women’s History Month.

In a city that is steeped in women’s herstory, here are some of the ways that our active New York community can get involved this March:

On behalf of the Museum of Motherhood, thanks for all that you do and have a great Women’s History Month!

Posted by: Jenny Nigro, MoM Online Intern

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Community, Caring, and Education [CLICK]

Next_GenerationThe Museum of Motherhood (M.O.M.) is an exhibition and education center dedicated to the exploration of family – past, present, and future. We highlight the many roles of women throughout history and in contemporary culture.

In our museum space we provide mothers, fathers, youth, caregivers, and mothers-to-be insights into what they will experience as parents and how to handle it. We educate them about the emotional and physical aspects of child rearing, exposing them to different global traditions, and giving them insights into the context of mothering in the social sphere in which mothering is done.

Institutions can create a positive sense of community and an increased sense of connectedness. We share library books, films, collaborative art projects, and conferences, often at little or no cost to make cultural literacy available to those who might not otherwise have access to these types of resources.

The need for M.O.M. is highlighted by the work of the feminist movement, the gender agenda, and global women’s health initiatives.

Precedence for M.O.M. has been established through the initiatives of the National Women’s Hall of Fame, the International Museum Of Women and the First Ladies’ Library. They are all positive contributors to expanding education about women in history. But our intense focus on the motherhood, fatherhood and caregiving roles opens the conversation to unlimited opportunities for exploration and documentation within the sphere of procreation and sustainability, not to mention how humanity hopes to evolve.

The development of a “Motherhood Movement” during the last twenty years as well as other mother-related literature and the explosion of “Mom Blogs” and awareness of the “Mommy Wars”, have impacted the vast social, economic, and cultural landscape. Thus, the expanded museum exhibit space and educational facility that we envision will be eminently worthwhile. Together we will be putting the subject of motherhood and family on the map.

Our long-term goals include the acquisition of a permanent physical space to house M.O.M. as we continue to develop our traveling exhibits and online initiatives, which include courses in Mother Studies, the MOM Directory, and the student run, Institute For Family Research and Development.

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Help Us Find Our Next Stage Location

Dear MOM Friends –

I hope this note finds you all well.

MJR_Side
Joy Rose

As you know– The Museum of Motherhood has occupied a great deal of my time and attention for the last 10 years; first as an idea, then in founding the non-profit Motherhood Foundation Inc., and finally in practice, through traveling exhibits and our location in NYC 2011-2014.

In 2011, Working Mother Magazine published an interview in which I stated, “there are marble museums, mustard museums, and car museums, why isn’t there a Museum of Motherhood?” Last summer my family and I actually stumbled upon the Mustard Museum near Lubec, Maine! Recently Galit sent a link to a new Hip Hop Museum opening in Harlem which is exciting, but unfortunately isn’t our Museum of Motherhood. Finally, my kids continue to enjoy spending vacation time in St. Petersburg, Fla. (which has no less than 5 major museums).

During the spring and summer of 2015 I will be expanding the search for a next-level space both North and South. I will specifically be looking for affiliations with universities. I have found examples of privately owned spaces gaining recognition from the colleges they work with, and eventually being legitimized through that relationship. I will also be asking God for guidance.

I am specifically interested in St. Petersburg/Tampa, Florida, and Brunswick/Orono, Maine, because of the personal relationships I have there. I would also consider the Bronx/Manhattan, although barring a miracle it would be difficult for me to personally sustain something in the NY Metro area. If I consider a move, it may be possible for me to continue to push the project with my personal assets and resources.

Please send thoughts and inspiration. It will be a busy spring with the Barnes and Noble book fair/fundraiser, and the annual academic MOM Conference. If anyone would like to help organize the book fair, please do let me know. We have a full five days to host readings, encourage people around the country to use our special code to make Mother’s Day book purchases (of which we’ll receive a portion of the sales), and raise awareness of M.O.M.

I am aiming to complete my thesis this spring. If you’re interested in seeing what I’m working on, it’s posted here. I will continue to prayerfully embrace the next phase of this journey, and in the meantime, on behalf of the museum, I send light, love, and peace to each of you beautiful and generous people this holiday season.

With Great Affection and Warmest Wishes for a Healthy, Happy, and Wealthy New Year,

M. Joy Rose

Write me directly at: MOMmuseum.@gmail.com

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Serving the Community & Educating People – YEAR END DONATIONS

Partners_BadgeThe Museum of Motherhood is supported by its founding non-profit 501c3 Motherhood Foundation Inc; serving the community and educating people since 2005 with programming, classes, events, and exhibits. Please support M.O.M. and help us establish a permanent home in a physical location in Manhattan. Any amount helps us continue our activities online and in person and is tax deductible. THANK YOU!

MUSEUM OF MOTHERHOOD CAPITAL CAMPAIGN

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Early History and Significance KEY FACTS – MOMmuseum.org/MOMmuseum@gmail.com 877.711.6667 — Conceived in 2003. Trademarked and Application for 501c3 Non-Profit Status through Motherhood Foundation Inc., 2005. Traveling exhibits & Conferences and Online Presence 2006-2010. First full-time exhibition space opened UES Manhattan 2011.We are the first and only facility of its kind.
Mission The Museum of Motherhood is a science, art, and history center that explores the subject of motherhood, fatherhood, and family – past, present, and future.   Our mission is to start great conversations, create thought-provoking exhibits and share information and education from diverse, inclusive, multicultural perspectives.
Reach The museum had approximately 20,000 visitors between September 2011-April, 2014 at its 401 East 84th St. location. Gymboree franchise owners Deb Whitefield and Barry Hanson donated a 2,500 square foot space. Annual academic conferences gathered yearly and featured international panels of presenters including participants from Russia, Israel, Brazil, England and Australia, as well as representatives from a wide variety of American universities.Travelers from Angola, Mexico and the Netherlands (to name a few) made the museum a destination. Interns from local colleges and high schools made up approximately 60 volunteer and research participants each year. The museum served the community offering support, classes, and a play space.
Building Needs Goals include obtaining a permanent facility.
Vision The museum programs aim to shed light on caregiving, global family traditions, new technologies, fathers, the art of motherhood and women in society, thus supporting families and educating future generations.
Phased Application The museum was able to leverage community volunteers, and interns, plus a small staff to implement it’s programming, website and mission, but needs a real estate donation and robust executive board for further development. Business took in approximately $4,500 per month plus corporate donations: tours, party rentals and daily play space usage. M.O.M. received a MAP grant from American Alliance of Museums 2012-2013.
Current Status Pop-Up exhibit on display at Manhattan College Aug-Dec. 2014. MOM Conference and Hall of Fame planned, May 2015. Book fair is planned with Barnes and Noble May 6-10th to raise funds for M.O.M. Advisory Board is active. Director is online, blogging with social media, and has three interns and active community volunteers.Please contact founder M. Joy Rose about our current goals.
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Laughing Gas For Birthing Mothers? [Click to read more]

By Naomi Rendina for M.O.M.
Nitrous-Oxide-as-Labor-Drug-537x402

Recently, the use nitrous oxide in the delivery room has been questioned and even projected as the “next big thing” in American obstetrics. What many people are failing to recognize is that nitrous oxide has had a presence in the delivery room in the US before, and it failed to catch on. Starting in the 1880s, analgesics like chloroform or ether, were used to help take of the edge and anxieties of the birthing process. It was followed by the introduction of scopolamine, which completely knocked out a birthing woman, leaving her with no memories of her experience. By the 1950s, women were overly medicated in their birth experiences, and a backlash against the medicalization of childbirth began.

It seems as though American women are interested in the idea of laughing gas in labor. The skeptics believe the nitrous harms the baby, when, in fact, it takes one breath of room air to clear mother and fetus of nitrous. Some women find it silly that the analgesic that we’re most accustomed to in the dentist’s chair has potential in the birthing room. Other women are happy to see an alternative to pain management that is minimal, and low-risk.

The Atlantic ran an article recently, as did Slate, talking about nitrous in the delivery room.

For more information on the use of anesthesias and analgesics in the delivery room over the last 120 years or so, please see Jacqueline Wolf, Deliver Me From Pain: Anesthesia and Birth in America.34712

Do you think that re-introducing nitrous (or another inhaled analgesic) into the delivery room is a good idea? Do you think it would facilitate a movement towards more natural, de-medicalized births?

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts!